Derek cocked his eyebrow and gave a cheeky grin. ”You know that I got you pregnant?” he asked, further teasing his fiance. Derek sifted positions so he could spoon Danny sitting up. “Let’s worry about Christmas right now love. Then let’s worry about our wedding. I’m still healing, so for now let’s try to keep things not so stressful.” he said and kissed Danny’s cheek. “I love you.”
Danny laughed and pushed Derek lightly. “Sh, no I know all about the necessary adoption procedures. We need to ask her too, even if she won’t fully understand, its her choice and yours,” he shook his head a little. “I’m not worried about either, I love you, that’s all we need. The wedding will come together, I’ve known that. We’ve everything together and ready my prince,” he smiled and turned his head so that Derek kissed his lips.
Derek laughed, in spite of himself. “You act like I got you pregnant.” he teased and ran his hands over Danny’s sides. ”There is a lot of legal red tape to cut before you can…well legally adopt her. Casey’s rights have to be terminated. I’m sure that decision will come easy…well considering. But that’s the first step. Then, there is still a home study to complete, even though I’m here too. Not sure really how that works. Then it has to be legalized in court.” Derek kissed Danny on his head. “Okay. Thank you. I’ll ask him tomorrow. Remind me, okay?” Derek asked gently.
Danny blushed and shivered, leaning into the touches. He stroked Derek’s cheek in return. “I know all of that,” he admitted softly. “I, um, was looking into it for awhile,” he said. He cupped Derek’s cheeks and leaned his face down, then kissed him hard. “I love you,” he murmured with a wide smile. “I’ll remind you, don’t worry,” he rubbed the other’s cheek with as thumb as he spoke.
Derek nodded, feeling sure of himself for once. “I’ve been a father slightly longer than you, and I know.” Derek sighed, and rubbed his temple. “You said ‘someone I could have been with’. I say that isn’t true. You forget why he left, and how he came back, and maybe even what he’s done since he’s come back. Lo will always be my squid of ignorance. I love him, but the way I love Jules. It’s nothing compared to the feeling I have for you.” Derek stroked Danny’s cheek. ”Kay is yours. By the end of 2014 hopefully completely legally so. Marrying me certainly cements that idea in the eyes of the state. I’ll do whatever I can, so that no matter where you go, you will always be seen as her father.” Derek said gently. “Oy. You are giving me a headache. Not making the decision any easier, at all.” he stuck his tongue out at the end to show he was teasing.
Danny cocked his head, his eyes widening. “I’m a father?” He asked softly. As much as he loved and cared for Kay, he always felt like there was more to it, and he wasn’t all of it, he couldn’t be. He’d felt like he was more like an inolved uncle. “Mm, if you say so,” he said quietly, but he meant it, fully. He truly believed everyone of Derek’s words. But his emotions were so high he could hardly express himself. He bit his lip, looking up at Derek in surprise. “I-.I’d been afraid to ask you, but I- I would really like to adopt her, legally I mean,” he said, practically whispering. He blushed and frowned. “I’m sorry love, no Logan or Charlie and Drew would be perfect, they’ve already offered. Maybe Logan? Charlie and Drew are experimenting with a little girl of their own now right? Two might be alot so soon for them, though Kay..our Kay is an angel,” he said, trying to help uncomplicate the decision.
Derek pulled Danny in to gently kiss his lip. “That’s because, even when I was…gone, you took care of Kay. It becomes part of your routine, as much as part of hers. When she first went to school, it felt weird to me too. But now it’s more routine, so I guess I’m more used to it. It’s just a weekend though, Dan. Kay will be fine, and hopefully we will be better for it.” at Danny’s next statement, Derek rolled his eyes slightly. ”If you say so, Dan.” he said with a crocked smile. ”You’re wrong, Danny. I wish I had the correct words to tell you how wrong you are. Just know that I love you. I want to be with you, and only you. I’ll ask Jules and Wes though, since it will make you feel better.” Derek kissed Danny’s nose. “I’m supposed to be the nervous one.” Derek smiled softly again. ”I’m not belittling myself. I’m just saying, I’m just a person. That’s all.”
Danny let out a soft giggle and smiled, nodding. “You’re right, you are. I know that she will be, and we will be better, this will be good for us,” he said softly. “Wh-what do you mean I’m wrong, love?” He asked softly, Derek’s words make his stomach clench as he looked at him in confusion. “I know that, I do. And I love you as well,” he said with a small smile. “I can’t help but be nervous, Kay…she’s become like my own- I mean, I know that she’s not, and I know that you’re her father and you’ll always be..that, I just meant,” he flushed and shook his head, cutting himself off. “No, I trust your opinion, and Charlie and Drew and Logan are all good men, they’d do fine with her as well. And you are a person, but that doesn’t mean that you’re less of an amazing one.”
Derek frowned. “You should talk to them.” it was the only advice he could to his fiance. ”The wedding invitation was my fault. I did some free work for John Barrowman, he asked me ‘How can I repay you?’ I jokingly said ‘Come to my friend’s wedding’. Then he said yes. Drew said I would have to use him as my plus one. I’m photograph weddings. One thing I’ve learned is you don’t upset the groom or the bride.” Derek sighed at the mention of pain meds, not knowing what to say about that. Derek bit his lip when Danny talked about Logan. ”Are you such an angel that you’ve never fallen for the wrong person?” he asked quietly. “I moved on, a long time ago, Daniel. So has Lo.” Derek traced Danny’s eyebrows. “Besides…everyday I fall in love with you all over again. Isn’t that enough?” Derek pondered. “I don’t feel strong. I feel very weak. Maybe this time, it really was hell. I probably deserved it. Taking care of others, especially Kay makes me happy…that’s a rare feeling these days. As far as patience, I just use the count to 10 trick. It normally works. She’s also a good kid, that makes things easier.”
Danny bit his lip and shrugged. “No, it wasn’t your fault, I don’t blame you or resent them..its just weird thinking about anyone having Kay for a weekend I guess,” he admitted quietly, turning to look at the little girl, smiling with adoration in his eyes. He smiled and shrugged. “I don’t remember, you’ve been around too long,” he smiled even more and gave a little shiver. “Its more than enough, I trust you, it was more the idea of Kay being with someone that you could’ve been with or, or a couple who doesn’t like me, but I absolutely trust you, and I don’t dislike either of them, I think I’m just more on edge with our wedding so close,” he told him, his eyes sparkling when he said the last part aloud. “Derek, don’t belittle yourself, you are amazing, I just hope so much that one day you’ll believe me.”
Derek trailed his finger over Danny’s lip when Danny bit it. ”Hey, what is that for?” he asked, not able to read his fiance’s mind, and being clueless of what Danny might be thinking. “Decisions are hard.” Derek said, sadly. ”We’re a team now, besides. I want to know your thoughts about these matters too.” Derek raised an eyebrow. “How so?” He doubted Danny was kidding, but he didn’t think of himself as well adjusted either.
Danny sighed a little and spoke softly. “Its just…I don’t think that Charlie and Drew care for me that much…they didn’t even invite me to their wedding, even with you and Kay going, Drew and I talked awhile ago, a little, but then he stopped after i gave him some of pain meds,” he kept his eyes down. “And Logan is…someone who’s been in your heart longer than I ever could, and he left the way that he did, which just makes it feel weird. But if you trust him, then I absolutely do.” he looked up to say the last part. He smiled a bit when Derek called them a team and nodded, squeezing his hand. “Its hard to explain love, its just..you’re so strong, and stable, even when you’re not. You went through hell, you’ve been there before too, and yet, you still take care of others and care about them, you’re still an amazing father, with more patience than any parent I’ve ever seen, you’re phenomenal Derek Seigerson.
Derek gave Danny a crooked smile. ”I will try not to.” it was the best Danny could offer. Derek chuckled a little at Danny’s comment about expense. “Wes just gave us a lot of money for Christmas. I think we can afford one weekend away. The place is a couples retreat, so the sessions and everything are all inclusive. I was thinking the same thing, it would give us time to re-connect.” Derek smiled fully at the gentle kiss. “In this instance, that’s the problem. Both Charlie and Lo offered to keep her. Charlie and Drew are fostering a little girl, a little bit younger than Kay I think. I really can’t think of two better people to become parents. I want to support them, even though I can’t really give much support right now. Lo is Lo though. I feel like…I don’t know him anymore, but I might want to…if that makes sense. I’m sure Wes would take her in a heartbeat…but I don’t know…I feel like I’ve already asked to much of him. Jules might work. Depends what he and Stan are doing for Valentines.” Derek smiled at his daughter who was still playing dress up with the oversized bear. “I think she’s more adjusted then me. Skyping is a very good idea though.”
Danny smiled and nodded. “It sounds perfect Der,” he murmured quietly. He bit his lip at the mention of who offered to watch Kay. He barely talked to Charlie and Drew, except for when Drew asked to buy some of his pain meds, and hadn’t even been invited to their wedding when Der and Kay got to go, which he had found rude, and hurtful. And Logan…that was another story. He’d really rather Kay was with Wes or Jules, but Derek was right, they’d both done so much for them, and could have their own plans, and it would be selfish to ask. He just shrugged a bit, “Its up to you,” he said softly. “I think that you’re more adjusted than you think, love,”
Derek gave Danny a content purr, like a cat being petted. “Dan, you came and got me. I know Wes was there too, but you’ve been taking very good care of us.” Derek smiled fondly at his daughter who had decided to dress the bear in one of her old dresses. ”I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. The thought terrifies me.” Derek threaded his hand with Danny’s. ”If you have something going on your mind, just tell me, okay? I love you.” Derek took a deep breath. “So my therapist recommended this…retreat. It’s like a bed and breakfast type thing up state, but they also have like counseling sessions and all that jazz. I want to take you. It’s only for adults though…” Derek said, voice full of worry. “I honestly don’t know what to do with Kay.”
Danny sighed happily at the sound that Derek made, knowing that he made it because of him. “Sh, don’t think about love, please,” he assured him gently. “I will, I love you too,” he told him. He pulled away to look at Derek and smiled. “That sounds really amazing. Counseling sessions would be good for both of us, but…sometimes, those are really expensive, we can make it work though,” he said, thinking. “It sounds perfect…like everything that we need, time together, time alone, relaxation, beautiful place to stay, and some therapy.” He smiled and kissed Derek’s cheek, laughing softly. “I know that sometimes, at dark moments, its hard, but we have amazing friends, she will have many places to stay. But I’d rather talk to Jules or Wes first, she’s closest to them I think. We’ll make sure that she knows its only for a few days, and we could skype read bedtime stories every night.”
Derek pulled down Danny to kiss his cheek. ”One day I’m going to teach you why I call you angel.” Derek said with a soft smile. He nodded a little. “I understand. I guess that is scary for me, that there things that really no one can fix but myself…and I don’t know how to fix them.” Kayleigh squealed again, when she opened a larger than life bear. and Derek squeezed Danny tight. ”I guess I was kidding myself, when I that some magic wand would wave, and I would be healed.” Derek sat up a bit. ”That reminds me, I want to talk to you about Valentine’s, if that’s okay.”
Danny’s cheeks grew red and he smiled back. He rubbed Derek’s side as he spoke. “I know, I’m sorry,” he whispered softly. He wished more than anything that he could fix this for Derek. He felt like he’d ruined things for the other. “Oh Der…we’re going to get there, you will be better, I promise love, I’m sorry that I…that I haven’t been here the way that I should have been,” he said softly. He turned to Kay and grinned. “Woah! That’s a big bear!” He said loudly, chuckling as he did. “Of course,” he said softly to his fiance, his stomach clenched, as he felt some sudden rush of panic. He’d forgotten about the holiday.
Kayleigh kept on opening packages, proudly showing off all Saige’s accessories. She yapped on happily, not much bothered by her father’s startle, perhaps not noticing it at all. ”I was startled.” Derek admitted. He still lived his life mostly on the edge of fear.” Derek thought of the person before, and hummed. “Maybe not…” Derek reached up and stroked Danny’s face. “Do you miss it though Dan? I mean do you miss the water? Even though it hurt you, do you? I feel like…” Derek trailed off, not sure how to express his feelings. “…like I caused it, or made it worse….or failed you…When I think of the person I was a year ago..” Derek shrugged, not wanting to go on. He played with Danny’s hair. “I have my own water I can’t get into. You’re better. You can’t see it because you’re you. You go on boats with me, like in Italy. You give us baths. I think you’re get there. Kay is only 5. She has her whole life to learn to swim.” Derek said with a soft smile.
Danny looked at Derek and stroked his cheek back. He bit his lip then gasped and shook his head. “No, god, not Derek. Wh- you helped me heal, but no one can fix this part but me. You didn’t fail me or make it worse Der, you’re the reason that I am better now. Don’t say I’m better Der, we’re both different and at different stages of healing. You have done amazing things as well, I can only do those things thanks to you,” he said gently, kissing his cheek. “Right now, we’re focusing on you, and your pain and hurts.”